A special post for Orson, purveyor and promoter of shiny things. A shiny new animation visually reproducing The Worst Half of College Football in the History of the Game, courtesy of the 2005 Tennessee Volunteers.

Proves the point rather well that feculence polished is still feculence. Unmitigated futility is always appalling, even in gradients.

This is actually just a sneak peak at something I’ve been working on — and continue to work on — during the off season. It’s not really ready yet, but it’s getting there. If you don’t see anything, get the most recent Flash Player. If it doesn’t fit on your screen or the formatting has gone all funky, sorry. Working on it.

The solid lines are drives, and the segmented lines are punts. Play, pause, and stop buttons will be added later. For now, if you want to see it again, re-load the page. UPDATE: [I see now that it's repeating itself of its own free will. Sure hope that doesn't hold true for our season.] UPDATE II: [Well, what's going on? It's no longer repeating by itself. Hmmm . . . Coach Cut must have visited and put a stop to it.] For a bigger version, go the Animated Drive Chart page.

Currently, the drive chart is all hand-animated (except for the motion tweens), but I’m working on (1) creating the thing dynamically with Actionscript; and (2) getting the variables into and out of Flash and ActionScript so I can just input the numbers and have it spit out the result. Think good thoughts for me because if I succeed, I’ll share with other teams’ bloggers.

I’ll do Orson’s in brushed metal gradients. In cursive.

Sunday Morning Quarterback has an Absurdly Premature Assessment of Tennessee and compares the 2006 Vols to New Coke.  Best line: “REASON TO BE AFRAID, VERY AFRAID: The same Ainge behind a reconstructed line is a whole cookbook for calamity; the same guys on offense last year couldn’t score on anybody, and the defense can’t be nearly as good again without Mahelona, Haralson, Simon, etc.”

Losing Parys Haralson, Jesse Mahelona, Omar Gaither, Kevin Simon, and Jason Allen (two of four starting defensive linemen, two of three starting linebackers, and one defensive back) will certainly hurt, but defensive coordinator John Chavis always seems to have the talent and to coach that talent well, and he likes his linebackers for this year.  And the hope is that we won’t see the “same” Ainge but a reanimated one, and that the reconstructed line will be better, lighter, faster, stronger than the old one. Still, SMQ wonderfully articulates Vols’ fans’ worst fears.

Speaking of Parys Haralson, who was selected in the 5th round by San Francisco in the recent NFL draft, SFillustrated.com’s Russ Lande thinks that Haralson is going to be better than Manny Lawson, who SF picked in the first round:  “I think two years from now he’ll be the starter and Manny Lawson will be trying to find a way to get on the field.”  Pretty strong.

The off season tinkering with the system continues this year as basketball does away with the airborne timeout.  UT basketball coach Bruce Pearl doesn’t like the change.  To get in on the action, NCAA football officials decided yesterday to allow coaches to challenge one on-the-field ruling per game and have it reviewed by instant replay.  They can only challenge if they have a timeout remaining.  Y’all see any problems?

Pretty quiet over the last several days.  On the blogging front, don’t miss EDSBS’ excellent piece on why we love football.  Orson has way.  Also, have a look at DawgSports‘ link-rich, exhaustive post on the matter of blogger disclosure.

College Football News completed its series on the Top 100 Heisman contenders.  Not only is UT tailback Arian Foster on the list, so is Reanimation Project Erik Ainge (at No. 36), who in the words of Inside Tennessee’s Randy Moore “had the mother of all sophomore jinxes in 2005.”  Uh, yeah.  Like he said.

VolQuest.com takes a closer look at incoming safety Justin Garrett. Unlike most junior college transfers, Garrett wasn’t on campus for spring practice, and he won’t arrive until this fall.  Fortunately, the Vols’ secondary is supposedly one of the strongest on the team, so Garrett will have time to acclimate.  An interesting bit in one of his answers to the interview question is this: <blockquote> “I was already expecting to like [his visit to Tennessee] a lot because of the way the coaches at the other schools were acting about me going up there.  None of them wanted me to take that visit, they were all kind of badmouthing the trip or whatever.  They were all so worried about me going up there that really, they got my expectations up and made my decision for me almost.”</blockquote>  It’s nice to know (1) that opposing coaches are still worried about Tennessee’s ability to recruit, and (2) that badmouthing UT sometimes has the opposite effect of that intended.

SportsAnimal99.com interviewed UT receivers coach Trooper Taylor.  Taylor’s a great interview.  You almost want to chest bump him after some of his responses.

Finally, Sports Illustrated compiled a list of the Top 15 Plays in College Football History.  Prothro’s catch is my favorite.  Hope to see him back in full form this season.  Hat Tip to Heisman Pundit.

Dawgsport’s Kyle King is questioning Tennessee’s ability to take care of its live mascot.  In support of this wild accusation, The Mayor has this to say:

Smokey II had to tangle with Baylor’s live bear mascot during the 1957 Sugar Bowl and Smokey VI collapsed from heat exhaustion in 1991 before passing away later that same season.

I submit that we don’t need to coddle our mascot as Smokey, unlike Uga, can take care of himself.  Smokey II tried to put the smackdown on a bear and survived.  And VI’s heat exhaustion only kicked in at 140 degrees.

To my knowledge, Uga has never come close to to assailing a wild beast.  Granted, he did snip at an Auburn player once, but I’d wager Kyle would agree that that particular varmint is much further down the food chain than a domesticated bear.  And the last time I saw Uga on t.v., he was panting like Charlie Weiss after 200 up downs and slobbering profusely into his food dish while lounging in the 75 degree shade of his doghouse.

I’d say Uga gives up the ghost at 95 degrees and soils his black and reds at the mere sight of a bear cub.

Smokey, on the other hand, can take care of himself.

Inside Tennessee’s Jeffery Stewart has a must-read analysis of coach Bruce Pearl’s system and what makes it tick.  You really need to read the whole thing, but here’s an excerpt: 

Think atypical where players are concerned. Pearl proved at UMW that he likes to put personnel on the floor that creates match-up issues on both ends of the court for opponents. This strategy is an all out assault on an opponent’s comfort zone and, combined with stifling full-court pressure, disrupts continuity. In NCAA wins over Alabama and Boston College in the 2005, Pearl used 6-5 strongman, Joah Tucker on the wing to overpower smaller defenders. . . . . Pearl could use four-star signee Duke Crews in the same manner next season, playing him at power forward against slower opponents and at the wing against smaller.

On that note, Turn Up The Heat, a DVD cashing in on the surprising success of the 2005-06 Volunteer basketball season, hit JCPenney stores on Tuesday.  You can also get it at www.volnetwork.tv.

On the football front, Arian Foster is No. 44 on College Football News’ Heisman watch list.  Former Vol quarterback Brent Schaeffer, who started as a true freshman, traded series with Erik Ainge until he broke his collarbone, and eventually transferred after being suspended for the 2005 spring practice due to a violation of team rules, is No. 67.  Schaeffer apparently had an excellent season this past year at some junior college somewhere and has resurfaced at Ole Miss.

Lastly, VolQuest.com continues its “Up Close” series with a look at newcomer Stephaun Raines.

Eight straight days without internet access was trying. Re-entry was a lot like trying to merge back onto a six-lane interstate packed with bumper-to-bumper traffic traveling at the speed of light. Getting up to speed did, however, bring a few things into focus:

GoVolsXtra’s John Pennington pointed out that the Vols’ game against California on September 2, 2006 will be the most important season-opener in coach Fulmer’s career, and Inside Tennessee’s Jimmy Hyams concurred, saying the Cal game will define the 2006 season and Fulmer’s future.  No question, Cal is going to be tough, as they are the second-best team in the PAC-10, just behind Southern Cal.  Not your typical cupcake opener, and UT will have re-entry issues of its own.  The schedule is tough and front-loaded, and if the team gets off to a good start, all may be well.  If not, well, things could get ugly in a hurry, and the team’s new emphasis on discipline may indeed lead to a rift between the offense and defense.

UT fans, while not necessarily “troglodytes living off deviled ham in plush but chilly underground lairs”, are still divided on the Fulmer question.  Many are behind him, but it seems that just as many are already erecting the gallows and knotting the noose.  On this theme, VolQuest.com’s Brent Hubbs had an excellent article last week that compiled the five moments that define Fulmer to those that support him and the five that define him to those in the pointy black hoods.

In which camp are you, and why?  When you think of Fulmer do you tend to remember the 1995 win over the Tide, Travis Stephens running over, around, and through the Gators in the Swamp in 2001, Derrick Tinsley’s end-around at Miami in 2003, and the 1998 National Championship in Tempe?  Or does the mere mention of Fulmer’s name conjure up uneasy memories of getting behind the Gators 35-0 in the blink of an eye in 1996, death by the hobnail boot, blowing a shot at the Rose Bowl and the National Championship in 2001, and a loss to Vanderbilt?

Hey, all. I had hoped that I’d have at least intermittent internet access during last week’s vacation, but, and I believe this is a record, I went eight straight days without any access at all. Zero. Thus the post void. Hope to get back in the saddle tonight. Maybe tomorrow morning.

Hearty thanks to Burnt Orange Nation, who hosts the Post-Spring BlogPoll Roundtable.  VFRT’s response, taking the questions out of order:

Your head coach comes down with a mystery illness and has to step aside. You get to hand pick the replacement for the 2006 season. Who gets your vote?

I’m behind Fulmer, but in the event Fulmer comes down with a case of Cotard’s (and starts believing that he has lost his internal organs or that he’s dead), a case of Alice-in-Wonderland Syndrome (and starts believing . . . uh . . .  certain parts of his body have been reshaped or rescaled), or a case of the Jumping Frenchmen of Maine (the sudden flailing of the arms followed by the repeated crying out of words when startled by an unexpected noise or sight) (lots of room for jokes here, guys), I’d have to go with Weiss.  Added benefit: save bundles on wardrobe.

Lastly, we’ll mix the football and the blogging together here. If you could have anyone switch allegiances and start covering your team, who you gonna pick?

Defense wins championships, and I’m going with EDSBS just so we can avoid things like this.  Oh, and let’s rename this.  Second pick in the draft is Michigan Zone so we can avoid any more posts like the Tennessee Tail Gate.

Which offseason story are you most tired of, and, on the flip side, interested in? (e.g. Reggie Bush’s house, Jimmy Claussen, etc.)

Stories?  What stories?  A veritable paucity of stories during the off-season is the thing I’m tiring of the most, but if I had to pick one, I guess it would be BushGate, although I’m really more aloof about it than anything.

On the flip side, I was most pleased that former Tennessee defensive back Jason Allen was picked 16th overall by the Miami Dolphins in the NFL draft.  Allen was the heart and soul of our team, a teammate in every sense of the word who decided to postpone a lucrative NFL career and return for his senior season as a Volunteer.  He anchored the secondary, essentially playing two positions at once by somehow racking up safety-like tackle stats while shutting down every opponent’s best receiver.

And then, against Georgia, the unthinkable happened when he was basically split in half while tackling monstrous UGA tight end Leonard Pope.  See my pictures from the game for a feel for how serious it was.  Allen lay crumpled into a heap on the field for a full fifteen minutes before being carted off, and it looked like not only his college football career was over, but that his decision to return as a Volunteer may have cost him a professional career as well.

Well, Allen said he would be back stronger than ever, and he proved it by running a 4.39 at the NFL Combine.  He may have gone higher in the draft had he not suffered the injury, but being the 16th overall selection was satisfying closure to the troubling thought that he might have sacrified his future to play one more year as a Vol.  Vol fans everywhere were ecstatic, and not even EBSBS posting this video would dampen our spirits.

And by the way, both Georgia fans and players, and even some Alabama fans, responded to the injury with the utmost class.

Football

I’m a Realist breaks down the 2006 Tennessee Volunteer football team and predicts we’ll go 8-4.  Running back Montario Hardesty, who missed most of last season after tearing the ACL in his right knee, will undergo another surgery for a less serious injury to his left knee suffered during spring practice.  He’s expected to be available this fall.  At least projected starting running back Arian Foster’s recovery is on schedule.

Senior linebacker Marvin Mitchell received diversion on his May 1 disorderly conduct charge. The misdemeanor will be expunged from his record as long as he stays out of trouble for the next 30 days and pays court costs.  Coach Fulmer said that he’ll be allowed to return to the team if he remains incident-free and faces the team’s internal punishment.

Basketball

Scout.com observes that the fact that 6-4 forward Dane Bradshaw played his power forward position so well even though he was undersized made an impression on recruits, who reasoned that the coaches must know what they’re doing if they can get their players to over-achieve like Bradshaw did.

The Volunteer basketball team was chosen along with North Carolina, Gonzaga, and Indiana as one of the top four seeds in the pre-season NIT.  We’ll open the pre-season against Fordham in Nashville.

Pete Fiutak’s front page feature on College Football News yesterday examined the 2006 Tennessee Volunteer football team.  Loaded with information, the gist of it was that 2005 really wasn’t as bad as it may have seemed.  Fiutak acknowledged the poor results but said that (1) losses to Florida, Georgia, and Notre Dame were nothing to be ashamed of; (2) losses to Alabama and South Carolina came down to a few “fluky” plays, and (3) the loss to Vanderbilt, while inexcusable, was collateral damage of the season-long flame out.

Sounds an awful lot like Fulmer saying “we were only a couple of plays of beating the tar out of the Longhorns for the national championship” or whatever he said at the end of last year.  Funny thing is, Fiutak may actually be right.  Don’t expect a VFRT recap of last season until later this summer, but I have thrown everything into a pot and turned up the heat to let it simmer, and everytime I peek in there, it’s looking like the theme will be that a lot of little things combined into a negative tipping point, a total mess at the conclusion of a high-stakes game of Don’t-Spill-the-Beans.  If the coaches and players and fans can do a lot of little things different this year, and they’re ceretainly trying, a positive tipping point is not inconceivable.

Elsewhere, a fan and poster on VolNation’s message board has some thoughts on offensive coordinator David Cutcliffe’s recent comments at an alumni event in West Palm Beach, Florida.  Also, there are conflicting reports on the reason for Major Wingate’s indefinite suspension from the basketball team.  GoVolsXtra reported that it was for failing to show up for a scheduled drug test, while Scout.com and the Tennessean reported that Wingate actually tested positive for marijuana.  Dope.

Finally, Rivals.com continues its series on getting to know the newcomers to the football team by featuring LaMarcus Thompson and reports on a fictional encounter between Dr. Custom, Mr. Fleeting, and Mr. Middle arguing about their respective expectations for the upcoming football season.