Mr. Numb Existence presiding

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As I said earlier, I was dubbed Mr. Numb Existence in the pre-season BlogPoll for having the “rightest” ballot, meaning merely that I was closest of all voters to what the final results were.

As Mr. Numb Existence, I have a responsibility to my BlogPoll brethren:

Each week the top blog on each list will be given a fancy title–”Mr. Bold” and “Mr. Numb Existence,” respectively–and politely requested to comment on their ballot. Mr. Bold is asked to convince poll voters that he is right on a team or two he has ranked strangely. Mr. Numb Existence is asked to evaluate Mr. Bold’s argument, decide whether he buys it, and declare if he will adjust his rankings accordingly next week (pending the games, of course). Should either Mr. Bold or Mr. Numb Existence be unable to participate in this exercise, the next blog on the list shall step forth into the void.

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All rise. The BlogPoll Court is now is session, the not-so-honorable Mr. Numb Existence presiding.

This is the pre-season, folks, and so I’m going with the standard of proof accorded criminal defendants. Frank McGrath, the pre-season Mr. Bold, must be found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt to be convicted.

The prosecution offers Exhibit 1 into evidence:

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Notre Dame	25
2	Ohio State	24
3	Florida	23
4	Auburn	22
5	Southern Cal	21
6	Miami (Florida)	20
7	Florida State	19
8	Georgia	18
9	Tennessee	17
10	Nebraska	16
11	Texas	15
12	Penn State	14
13	Virginia Tech	13
14	Clemson	12
15	Iowa	11
16	West Virginia	10
17	Tulsa	9
18	Alabama	8
19	TCU	7
20	Louisiana State	6
21	Oregon	5
22	UTEP	4
23	Oklahoma	3
24	UCLA	2
25	Michigan	1

The counts:

1. One count of Malicious Intent: LSU at No. 20.
2. One count of Cattle Rustling: Texas at No. 11.
3. Two counts of SEC Fraud: four SEC teams in the top 10, including Tennessee and Georgia.
4. Three counts of Conspiracy: Florida, Miami, and Florida State all in the top 10.
5. Two counts of False Advertising: Tulsa at No. 17 and UTEP at No. 22
6. One Cardinal Sin: Louisville unranked.

The accused now offers his defense.

1. On the first count of Malicious Intent against rival school LSU, ranking them at No. 20:

[Y]es, I will be ****** if I give LSU a free pass to the Top 10. But at least I included them.

Response of the Court: The Court reminds the accused that this is a court of law and obscenity-laden outbursts will not be tolerated. LSU is clearly one of the two best teams in the SEC, which defendant himself uses as the benchmark for all other leagues. Ranking them at No. 20 is clearly nothing more than pre-meditated, unadulterated malice.

Verdict: Guilty.

2. On the count of Cattle Rustling: Texas at No. 11.

. . . .

Response of the Court: . . . .

Verdict: Guilty.

3. On the two counts of SEC Fraud: four SEC teams in the top 10, including Tennessee and Georgia:

And yes, I have a bias toward the SEC. Absolutely I do. Now that might be because as a Tulane fan, I’ve been beat about the head by these factories since the day I enrolled. But very few BCS conference teams could navigate a full SEC slate without at least two, probably three losses- and the ones I think could do two losses or better are the dozen or so that join my Top 25.

Response of the Court: The Court finds this defense compelling, and it has absolute nothing at all, whatsoever, in any manner, to do with the fact that venue for this action lies in East Tennessee.

Verdict: Not guilty.

4. On the three counts of Conspiracy: Florida, Miami, and Florida State all in the top 10:

Yes, I rank the Florida triumvirate highly- but USA today’s got the same three at 8, 10, and 11. If that is bold, then I suppose I’m shamelessly audacious.

Response of the Court: The Court notes that there is a vast difference between 3, 6, and 7 and 8, 10, and 11. Still, the expert testimony in favor of the defendant is compelling.

Verdict: Not guilty.

5. On the two counts of False Advertising: Tulsa at No. 17 and UTEP at No. 22:

As one of a few mid-major voters in this poll- which like everything college football is skewed toward the heavies- I probably threw a little too much love the mid-major’s way- including both TCU and UTEP. Fair.

* * * *

[T]here is no vote for a “Rice” or a “Temple”.

Response of the Court: The Court appreciates the defendant’s candor and loyalty. Still . . .

Verdict: Guilty, but no sentence imposed.

6. On the Cardinal Sin: Louisville unranked:

[As I said before,] very few BCS conference teams could navigate a full SEC slate without at least two, probably three losses- and the ones I think could do two losses or better are the dozen or so that join my Top 25. USC is one of those teams. Notre Dame is another. Louisville is categorically not one. Have a look at, say Vandy’s 2006 slate. Frankly, I am not sure Louisville can win at Oxford regularly- let alone Rocky Top.

So, I have West Virginia- who I think is the best team in the Big East- at 16. Accordingly, I don’t the think Louisville is better than WV- which candidly isn’t all that outrageous. And I don’t believe, yes, that the Cardinals are better than the teams at the bottom of my poll. I doubt they can beat a .500+ Big Ten team, or a depleted Oklahoma, or middling SEC team (LSU, Alabama). Hell, didn’t the Green Wave beat them this last decade? A powerful strike against my confidence in any program.

Response of the Court: Right on, brother! Wait, strike that from the record. Okay, so the SEC is tough, but Louisville not even ranked? Phil Steele has them at like, No. 3 or something. Still, there’s that pesky beyond-a-reasonable-doubt thing.

Verdict: Not guilty.

NOTE: On appeal, defendant argued a violation of his constitutional right to a jury trial. So the case has been remanded, and the Court has been instructed to conduct a jury trial instead of a bench trial.

You’re the jury — you decide. Here again are the alleged crimes against society:

1. One count of Malicious Intent: LSU at No. 20.
2. One count of Cattle Rustling: Texas at No. 11.
3. Two counts of SEC Fraud: four SEC teams in the top 10, including Tennessee and Georgia.
4. Three counts of Conspiracy: Florida, Miami, and Florida State all in the top 10.
5. Two counts of False Advertising: Tulsa at No. 17 and UTEP at No. 22
6. One Cardinal Sin: Louisville unranked.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 20th, 2006 at 7:57 pm and is filed under Polls, Rankings, Tennessee. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site. Print This Post.