Another victim has fallen to the pain of 3-5 season.

The Tennessee Volunteer Athletic Department announced late this afternoon that Smokey IX has resigned as the Volunteer mascot effective immediately. Smokey IX, pictured below, will finish out the season in the press box at the feet of former Offensive Coordinator Randy Sanders.

Athletic Director Mike Hamilton, scrambling to find a replacement in time for Saturday’s Homecoming Game against Memphis, is rumored to have offered the position of Smokey X to the bird dog pictured below.

The canine’s owner, Everett Carbunkel of Snake Bit, Tennessee, could not be reached for comment.

Developing . . . .

No kidding.

The best radio coverage of the Tennessee Volunteer Football program is found on The Sports Animal 99. Its Sports Talk program is on every weekday afternoon from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.

About eight minutes into Sports Talk, host Jimmy Hyams does a News and Notes segment.

The segment’s sponsor? Joseph Construction Disaster Cleaning and Restoration.

Quick! Somebody get them on the phone!

This may not be quite as amusing as Coach Fulmer’s chameleon offense comment earlier this season, but it’s a close second.

John Adams ranks the best 3-4 teams in the nation:

After a last-minute loss to the University of Alabama last week, Tennessee coach Phillip Fulmer said the Vols were the best 3-3 team in the country. So, one loss later, you’re probably thinking: Are the Vols the best 3-4 team in the country?

With that in mind, I give you my first Top 3-4 Poll:

According to Adams, the Volunteers lead North Carolina, North Carolina State, Alabama-Birmingham, and Louisiana-Monroe.

All in fun.

Congratulations to math wiz Volpundit, who was the first to correctly identify the trick behind the Can This Website Read Your Mind post.

Volpundit’s explanation is in the comment section of the post, so follow the link to read it. He (or she) added a second comment, on the same theme as my earlier Tennessee Volunteers Score 98 Points – In Six Games post and the suspicious powdery substance bit that’s been floating around the internet in the last several days:

And here’s some more math for you…

Reggie Bush’s TDs this season minus one = Tennessee’s touchdowns this season.

Ugh. I also heard on the radio yesterday, I think, that one of the South Carolina wide receivers has something like nine touchdowns this year. That sounds like more TDs than Tennessee’s entire offense, though I haven’t taken the time to look it up. Sounds like a job for Volpundit.

Anyway, high praise to the magnificent mathematical genius of Volpundit.

No Silence Here: Tennessee Volunteer football practice halted due to discovery of suspicious powdery substance.

Jeffrey Stewart of Scout.com has penned the best line of the season:

Defending Tennessee’s offense is like encountering a drunk on a shooting spree with a high-powered rifle: you know he will do more damage accidentally than he will intentionally, and if you patiently keep your distance he will eventually shoot himself.

Hilarious.

For years, Tennessee Vol fans have been clamoring for some unpredictability on offense.

• “They always run the same plays.”
• “They’re so predictable!”
• “If I know what plays they’re going to run, don’t you think a million dollar coach on the other side knows, too?”

Well, be careful what you ask for.

Everyone from Joe Vol Fan on the corner of Cumberland Avenue to the national pre-season pollsters predicted UT’s offense would light it up this year. Even Head Coach Phillip Fulmer got into the act, saying, “I don’t know who the quarterback will be, but I know it will be a good one.”

Well, maybe this was all just part of Offensive Coordinator Randy Sanders’ diabolical scheme. Just when he had everyone thinking the Vol offense would score on every play, he threw us a curve.

The Vols’ offense against UAB stunk. Receivers dropped balls, running backs and quarterbacks fumbled. They stuttered and sputtered.

Well, that was just a fluke. Surely.

But Game 2 against Florida was more of the same, and the first half of the LSU game was the absolute pinnacle of futility.

And just when we were all finally convinced that our beloved Volunteer offense wasn’t as we predicted, Sanders threw us a change-up. Rick Clausen, Gerald Riggs, and the rest of the offensive unit tore it up, torching LSU for 30 second-half (and overtime) points.

So which Volunteer offense will take the field against Ole Miss this Saturday afternoon? And will it play the whole game, or just a half?

Who knows? But Vol fans finally have the unpredictability that they’ve been craving for for years.

I’ll say it again: Be careful what you ask for.

Is this picture Photoshopped? If it is, it’s kinda funny.

If it’s not, well, then it’s hilarious.